7th email I'll never send

orphan of owner's information.

Somehow I just feel like letting go all that happened, between love and pain. You know what? Maybe we were outrageously too young to think about loving and keep going on forever with this thing we had. I can realize this now - and a lot of other things I couldn't by the time we were dating. But this may be due to a overlap of thoughts, right after our "freedom" came. You know, that time when you only think about what it was supposed to be and why/how everything came out so diff. By the way, when I say freedom I mean official freedom, because my soul still has a deep urge to feel free itself nevertheless this freedom seems now so far from me. 

 

Like my mind could place a lot of bad things and take me as my own hostage: dying for freedom, but crying to stay alive instead. Sorry if it seems I don't care, of course my life hasn't ruined and all this melodramatic things people say right after a sad breakup, but yes, I still feel a lil' bad sometimes and this couldn't ever happen if we had meant nothing to each other by that whole time.
 

I must admit, yet, that somehow I feel like I'm still yours, and guess I already told you so, tough. Even knowing that this has nothing to do with the fact that I've tried not to feel like yours ever again. But gosh, I've tried, time after time, harder and harder.  Guess I still have time anyway, to find someone to fill up this position. Howsoever, not my very first concern so far.

I mean: it's 2:36 am now; I just finished a gorgeously great and difficult paper for an information strategy course; and I'm standing here, "wasting" my precious and tiny sleep time to write a few paragraphs in english, with no strategy at all, no relevant informations at all. Considering, yet, that I already wrote whole books in my own language what could mean, too, that I'm going nuts, yeah.  And about that time I realized: I was just trying to understand. Me, you, us (and when I say us I mean it in the past tense, sorry). But it was like I've never tried before, like I couldn't came up with a single word to describe so much. Could you?
 

And, at the end, I caught up myself wondering if you're still there. 
Time to sleep, then.

(Evelise Kowalczyk dos Santos)